When My Heart Has Grown

I never told you;
look again.
you see that there
in the distance, forming-
it’s being born!
all that quiet stillness
is everything I know;
I will be there
when my heart has grown

And I will be there
to see the rise of the ocean
and I will be there
to discover
new shapes
in the erosion
and I will not give words like ‘love’
any credence or devotion
when my heart has grown

And when my heart has grown
I can imagine you to him;
cheek set softly in your palm,
elbow propped up against
the seat on the train,
you dream of him;
and he holds you in your imagination;
the sandman grants you
a canopy of bliss, and
Ah how it bleeds
when you’re not close enough
to kiss him!
how your energy flows
in his direction,
so that all the minor stars
are swept along into it,
a gravity so strong
pulling so hard at your existence
that you find it and you love it
irresistibly

When my heart is grown
I will be different.
I will not know any of this.
You will be a portrait
on my mantelpiece
or in storage,
and my heart
will no longer wish
it had your gravity
to resist.

When my heart is grown
I will be changed;
I won’t even know my name.
instead I will listen
to all the birds and insects
and then I will fade into the dust
I came from

crying
singing
praying for room

So I can live in peace
when my heart has grown.