The Razor’s Edge

 
Let me try to figure out who I am

Not trusting to fate or to circumstance
not trusting in talent, intelligence or imagination
but perhaps in intuition
if that is, as a sense, the means to communicate
with the higher power that craves goodness

I cannot receive any mantle but receive them all;
at once warrior and peace-maker
at once artisan and lawyer, caller and called

I wish to take on the mantle of the night
which, in its essence, blankets the world
and makes it at once unified, and alien

I wish to do this because I feel I can take no part
even though all I know is world
it is not the source of the light that lives in my heart
or the flame that powers my will

So confronting emptiness with confidence
I must be do battle with my body
and make servants of my mind and heart.

What else don’t I know?
That I could be like Rilke’s god
equanimous to the comings and goings of Things
that greedily reach to fill in space
but take no part in this

To, truly, let go

because my nature is to grasp
and even now, in my knowing, is tightly held
the world, which wants to own

I am loving
but the more I seek to love
the more I hold on to those things
I hope to receive love from

I love to learn
but the more I think I know
the more numerous tears I shed in the letting go

I meditate to clear my mind of thoughts
because without this process
I cannot
urge the light onward

“Like a fluttering candle
into a stormlamp, I place myself there inside him.
A glow becomes peaceful. “

I want this.

To know
nothing at all
to grow
without
observing any law

to be alone

to not fear love

to not fear the goal

to walk the razor’s edge

only